Carnival Monday and Tuesday are the days we look forward to where we can free up for two days on the road. While I do believe that generally most Caribbean women are pretty easy going when it comes to their significant other enjoying a small wine on a bumpa, there are limits as to what we would tolerate as acceptable wining behaviour. We have all heard stories of partners who do not understand a culture where “nothing is wrong with a little wine” leading to acrimonious and uncomfortable situations when boundaries are crossed. In order to save you the embarrassment, and possibly your relationship, here is your woman approved wining guide for Carnival.
- Dear men, we do not consider all wines as equal. Feel free to take a small wine, a simple cock back and wine is totally acceptable. However you will endure our ire if any of the following displays occur on the road ; picking up a girl, stabbing her out while she is in a 6:30 position, jamming front to front, her legs are wrapped around your torso or any lap dance quality wines. This type of wining behaviour is not only disrespectful, but you are looking for your significant other to snatch you from up under whomever you are wining so energetically on. Your wine should not give your girlfriend the urge to grab you off of a b*tch.
- Which leads me to the fact that we are pretty cool with serial jamming. It is Carnival after all, so go roam the band, have lots of fun, jam EVERYBODY. However, do not stay glued to one bird all day. You my friend are looking for deep DEEP trouble! Being attached to another woman from the time you meet on the road until las lap will get a man scrambled like egg. Know when to end a wine and return to your significant other, especially if she is right next to you. If two songs have passed and you are still jamming on a stranger, wrap it up and let it go back from whence it came, please.
- This seems simple enough to understand, yet men still do it. You CANNOT wine on a girl you know your significant other does not like, otherwise bye Felipe. If your girl catches you grinding on that chick whose very existence she cannot stand, beware when you two eventually make eye to eye contact. If you get the look, you know, that death glare that says “please do not make me mash up your face, I like your face” and she walks away, take the hint; you have an angry woman inbound. The look is the first warning. When she walks up to you and asks “Enjoying yourself?”… Run!
- Thou shalt not indulge thirsty birds, you know the ones who will only approach when they spot your significant other move away. How about people take advantage of the unlimited drinks for the two days and KEEP HYDRATED. Do not let your woman have to walk up to a girl, hand her a bottle of water and say “here you look thirsty” (true story!). Have sense and do not mess up a good time buddy.
- Do not have your friends play body guard to monitor your significant other’s wining behaviour. A man having friends police his girlfriend speaks volumes of his attitude towards her and his view of her as a woman. Whether you are playing in the same band or not, same section or not, trust that her behaviour will be demonstrative of the mutual respect you have for each other in the relationship. We waited all year for this moment, let’s all be happy and enjoy both days without incidence of jealousy and possessiveness rearing it’s ugly head.